An awful and sad special day.

No matter how hard for me to stay strong, no matter how I try to act as if nothing is wrong, still I can’t hold it any longer. I’m still me, I’m still frail… It’s supposed to be a very special day for us today yet sadly it turned out to be the end of everything. It’s been actually 4 days that we haven’t talked and just this morning I couldn’t hold myself any longer not to talk with him on this very special day so I send him a message. Unfortunately, he didn’t reply to it until I texted him again in the afternoon. I had a feeling what he would say to me and that feeling didn’t disappoint me. I was actually right. He told me that we’d have to end it now, that I deserve someone better and some issues he has right now. Anyone can deserve that particular person if he/she is genuinely giving love to his/her partner. I’m totally pissed off with that lame reason. I could totally deal with pure honesty rather than giving me bullshits.

I don’t understand how I feel now. Rage, pain and sadness is bursting within me. My mind is in abstract and chaos, I couldn’t think well. I’ll get back sulking here… I guess I just have to express my feelings as soon as my brain will work fine. I feel so heavy inside now… just wanted to cry all night. I could not hold back the tears that constantly torrents through my face.

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A fool for love: Again and Again lyrics by 2PM

I have been always a fool for love. I’ve been in love with the person who seemingly returns a very little love for me. I opt to believe him saying he loves me seriously yet it seems like too far from the truth. His inconsistency somehow complicates my thoughts and feelings that it leads me into a bleak situation. Somehow, I find myself believing in lies. It’s painful to hold on to someone who doesn’t even want to hold you yet you’re still holding on. No matter how angry I could be, no matter how I wished to burst right in front of him, I couldn’t understand why my rage slowly calms then I am able to forget the reason why I got mad when I start talking with him. I’m always lost in his eyes it’s as if oblivion crawls within me when I look at him. How I wish my feelings for him would grow fainter so I it wouldn’t hurt that much for me.

I found a song a while ago on YouTube. It’s from the Korean male group band 2PM. I haven’t really heard any of their songs but I know that group name because of Nickhun. That video was particularly featured on the related videos of the one that I’m watching then thought of viewing it after. Out of curiosity, I watched the MV entitled Again and Again by 2PM. It’s actually the first song that I have heard from them. It wasn’t really that catchy for me but as I have been reading the English subtitle of the song, I started to like it. I could totally relate myself to it. I’ll share with you the MV and the lyrics with English translation.





Again & Again
by 2PM

Again and again and again and again
Again and again and again and again

Iluhkeh weh nehga ddo nuh eh jibappeh ddo
Suh itneun gunji dehcheh nan babonji
Jungmal sokgo ddo sokgo danghago ddo danghehdo ddo
Dashi ee jali eh wa itneunji

Nehga michyutna bwa jajonshimdo ubneunji
Nuh ehgeh dolawa chutbakwi doldeushi
Ilum an dweneundeh (dweneundeh dweneundeh)
Hamyunsuh oneuldo iluhgo issuh, no

Again and again and again and again
Nuh ehgeh jaggoo dolaga weh geulunji molla weh geulunji molla
Again and again and again and again
Nuh eh maleh ddo sok a weh geulunji molla weh geulunji molla

Uhjjum iluhkehdo babo gatni nehga
Nehga weh iluhkeh dwen guni
Nan boonmyunghi gyulshimeul hetneundeh hago ddo hetneundeh
Weh nuh ehgeh jaggoo dola oneunji

Nehga michyutna bwa jajonshimdo ubneunji
Nuh ehgeh dolawa chutbakwi doldeushi
Juldeh an bol guhla (bol guhla bol guhla)
Hamyunsuh dashi ddo iluhgo issuh,

Again and again and again and again
Nuh ehgeh jaggoo dolaga weh geulunji molla weh geulunji molla
Again and again and again and again
Nuh eh maleh ddo sok a weh geulunji molla weh geulunji molla

Nun dehcheh uhddun yak igilleh ggeuneul sooga ubssuh
Nado molleh jaggoo nuhleul geuliwuh hago gyulgooken ddo chatgo
Nabbeun yuja injool almyunsuh nan ddo nul poomeh an ggo sarangeul heh
Bonamana bbunhi daga olleh
Neh ileh apeumeul da algo isseumyunsuh dola suhjil motheh gyuljungeul mot nehlyuh

Jenjang na weh iluhni weh ee yuja yuppeh noowuh itni
Dodehcheh myut bunjjeh I jisseul duh hehbwaya nehga jungshineul chalillunji
Nooga jom nal uhdi ehda mookgguhjwuh uhsuh jebal
She's a bad girl, I know (I know)
But here I go again, oh no

Again and again and again and again
Nuh ehgeh jaggoo dolaga weh geulunji molla weh geulunji molla
Again and again and again and again
Nuh eh maleh ddo sok a weh geulunji molla weh geulunji molla

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

[JS] again and again and again and again
[JB] again and again and again and again

[WY] why am I standing like this in front of your house again, am I a fool
Getting tricked again and again, and suffering again and again
But why am I at this place again

[JH] I think I've gone crazy, have I no pride
I come back to you, like the first time around
Saying 'I can't be like this (like this, like this)',
I'm being like this again today, no

[JS] again and again and again and again
I keep going back to you. I don't know why, I don't know why
[JB] again and again and again and again
I fall for your words again. I don't know why, I don't know why

[NK] why do I seem like such a fool
Why did I become like this
I made a firm decision, again and again
Why do I keep coming back to you

[JH] I think I've gone crazy, have I no pride
I come back to you, like the first time around
Saying 'I won't ever see you again (see you, see you)',
I'm being like this again

[JS] again and again and again and again
I keep going back to you. I don't know why, I don't know why
[JB] again and again and again and again
I fall for your words again. I don't know why, I don't know why

[CS] what kind of medicine are you, that I can't give it up
Even without me knowing, I keep yearning for you, and eventually look for you again
Though I know you're a bad girl, I embrace you and love you again
Undoubtedly, clearly, I want to come towards you
Knowing all the pains of tomorrow, I can't turn around, I can't decide

[TY] darn it, why am I like this, why am I lying next to this girl
How many more times do I have to do this for me to come to my senses
Someone, tie me down somewhere, quickly, please
She's a bad girl, I know (I know), but here I go again. oh no

[JS] again and again and again and again
I keep going back to you. (I'm going back to you) I don't know why, I don't know why
[JB] again and again and again and again (I keep coming back)
I fall for your words again. (even I) I don't know why, I don't know why
[JS] oh, oh, yeah

**credits to lyricsmode

I have also seen an English version for this song by Lisa Tang. Since I like it better, I'm sharing it with you guys.

Again & Again (English version)
by Lisa Tang

Again and again and again and again
Again and again and again and again
Listen

VERSE 1:
I’m standing here once again, begging for you to come
Even just briefly, it’ll mean so much to me
My heart suffered and suffered and it just can’t seem to move on
That’s why I am still here waiting for you

Going out of my mind, I fall deeper and deeper
Stuck in this endless trap, my pride has disappeared
I must stop! I can’t be (echo: I can’t be, I can’t be)
A useless, pitiful fool again today No…

CHORUS:
Again and again and again and again
So, why do I keep coming back?
And I just don’t know why
And I just don’t know why

Again and again and again and again
Those careless words that you say
Can’t you just tell me why?
Can’t you just tell me why?

VERSE 2:
Tell me, why am I still being a fool like this?
I can’t stop myself from loving you
Though misery completely surrounds me, I just can’t help myself
I keep being drawn here and I don’t know why

Going out of my mind, I fall deeper and deeper
Stuck in this endless trap, my pride has disappeared
If only you could see (echo: you could see, you could see)
Exactly what all this is doing to me Oh no…

Repeat Chorus

RAP:
Just what kind of spell did you cast that I can’t seem to let go or give you up?
My heart keeps on playing tricks on me, telling me that you love me
I know it’s just a dream, a disease I have
‘Cause I can’t seem to help but love you even though you keep on breaking my heart
This pain that I’m feeling, I don’t think it’ll ever end
So, why am I still here? I must stop this madness!
Yo!

Why am I not what you need? Just what do you really want from me?
How many more times do I have to prove my love to you before you know?
Can someone come to rescue me?
Please come help me; I shouldn’t even be here
She’s a bad girl, I know
But here I go again Oh no…

Repeat Chorus

**credits to wackycashew

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Ironic Life

It’s raining today, and I feel like raining from the inside too. I have just thought of something lately. I found “Irony” quite funny and sad at the same time. If “the only certain thing in life is death” then I’d like to add that life is undeniably unfair, we all know that. Life is full of irony, that’s for my own opinion. We can never deny the fact that there would always be the “fortunate” and the “unfortunate” ones. It’s one way of balancing life. As a person, we both have the fortunate and unfortunate parts in ourselves. Like myself, I’m proud to say that I’m very fortunate with my family, although we may not have all the riches in the world, but I have very supportive and loving parents and siblings that those riches mean nothing at all. They’re not perfect at all and they do have flaws but I’m very proud to say that I’m very lucky to be part of my family. Not only with my family but also with my friends and I’m very blessed to have them, all of them!

As for my “unfortunate” part, sadly I’m always unfortunate when it comes to love. I’m a person who dreams to have a romantic love life but yet I always fail to have one. For once in my life I had found that person, but unfortunately, that love wasn’t really meant for me, it was for somebody else. Now, I have found someone whom I thought the spirit of hope existed within him that let’s not give up for love because he might actually give that same feelings I felt before, the feelings of happiness – love. But suddenly, the story went wrong and it became complicated that I myself was having trouble comprehending it. It was like a love that seems like unrequited. Love and hurt are always together and I accepted that wholeheartedly and now I’m trying my best to learn him.

Most of the girls would like to have their “prince charming” someday. A person who could treat them well, love them as much, take good care of them and make them the most special person in the world as if they were holding the most fragile thing you could ever held on. I know a few guys that are like that but sometimes, just sometimes, they were giving too much and trying so hard to be the “right one” for their special someone yet it turns out to be futile in the end.

On my side, I keep on ending up with the person whom I least find my “ideal type” of a guy or should I say my “prince charming.” Although the feeling is there, the love, the butterflies in my tummy or even the “sparkles” found in my eyes, but there would always be something that’s lacking. When I say I love a person, I really mean it but it hurts to hear that the one you love tells you he loves you back yet something just seems so wrong, it’s as if he really didn’t mean it at all. Despite that, I never gave up on love, and I still keep on hoping for someday, in some way, he would let me feel like he really mean what he said. Love comes in a different way, by this time, it’s unusual but I’m willing to learn what this kind of love means.

If you feel like giving what you’ve got, loving that person as much as you could even though you can’t have anything in return, “deserving” or not, that doesn’t matter at all. Since you did your part, you offered your love; you did whatever it takes to make that person happy and well.

*** lets continue this later, Ironic life II.

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