Showing posts with label failure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label failure. Show all posts

Brings back my childhood memories - Away from the faries

Nov 10, 2009

Way back when I was still young, way younger than now, anime had been really popular ever since Dragon ball Z and Sailormoon came out, not to mention Sentai series such as Ultraman, Fiveman, Jetman and anything that has man on it. Since then, Japanese entertainment caught my attention first making me love Japan generally. So I tried studying about them, about their culture, their language and everything about them. Note: I’m still a kid at that time, yes; I am that of an avid fan of Japan that a kid like me had a thought of doing a research about it. Funny thing is there are only few things that I could remember with those ‘research’ that I’ve done.

Aside from my interests in Japan and anime, I have my own interests in music as well. No, I am not born to be a singer though I wanted to be one but unfortunately, I have been entitled as a frustrated singer. Yes, that’s right. Our parents bought us a piano and the first time I saw it, I fell in love with it. I blissfully volunteered myself to learn how to play it and my parents, without more ado, looked for an endowed teacher for me, which they really did. Since I didn’t have the voice, at least I could express my love for music through piano. I was indeed passionate with my piano lessons. I’d always feel excited just thinking my private teacher would come in our house a few minutes later. I must say, everything went perfectly until my schedule for my piano lessons had been changed.

From that time, I had encountered a conflict with my schedules. Yes, I have schedules despite the fact that I’m still 7 years old. You know what was that particular schedule? It’s “my time-to-watch-Sailormoon” sched. Supposedly, after my piano lesson, my next schedule was to watch my most favorite anime series during my childhood years – Sailormoon. But then my piano lesson starts at the same time as Sailormoon’s broadcast time. I felt so depressed not able to watch it and can’t seem to re-arrange the schedule anymore. Since then, my blissful and exciting moments with my piano lessons have been slowly fading into its oblivion. It seems that my passion for music can’t seem to beat my passion for anime series. I must say, I was still young anyway. So I decided to quit my piano lessons and chose my anime marathon instead. Uh-huh, I have fallen by the wayside. Talking about giving up one’s dream, eh? I know I have regretted it after I got older.

After that, my eyes were set about anime all the time. I could almost live in my own room and seldom goes out as if I have my own little crazy world there just watching anime all day long since cable TV has a lot of channels broadcasting anime series or even anime movies / OVA. So much sticking my eyes at the TV staring nothing but beautiful anime characters, I have thought of a question and asked my father, “What exactly is anime? So my dad explained it, anime is a shortened word for animation for Japanese people, blah blah blah and then he mentioned the word drawing. Then after that, I looked for a pencil and a couple of bond papers but ended up having a pen and a few unused notebooks. Without any talents about arts or drawings in the first place, I started my self-training without any hesitation. Everyday I’d be staring at the TV screen while holding my pen and notebook and starts copying its form without blinking an eye. Through that, I have created yet another passion; it’s about drawings / arts this time. I became like a drawing machine every day. I am quite impressed myself, though I was still a kid, I was quite a perfectionist when it comes about my passion for something. When other thinks it’s already an awesome art, I’d always think it’s not enough so then, every day I’d always learn something new and I am able to improve my skills with drawing. But I’m not actually saying I’m an amazing artist or whatnot cause for all I know, I’m not that good at it not like what professionals are.

If Naruto has a lot of determination to be one of the greatest ninjas, I have a lot of determination to be one of the greatest artists as well. Well, at least I was like that before. People would always tell me, I was born to draw, that I have that kind of talent ever since I was born but for me, it’s not. It’s about passion and determination, talents can be taught/developed as long as these two things are present in you.

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An awful and sad special day.

Jul 1, 2009

No matter how hard for me to stay strong, no matter how I try to act as if nothing is wrong, still I can’t hold it any longer. I’m still me, I’m still frail… It’s supposed to be a very special day for us today yet sadly it turned out to be the end of everything. It’s been actually 4 days that we haven’t talked and just this morning I couldn’t hold myself any longer not to talk with him on this very special day so I send him a message. Unfortunately, he didn’t reply to it until I texted him again in the afternoon. I had a feeling what he would say to me and that feeling didn’t disappoint me. I was actually right. He told me that we’d have to end it now, that I deserve someone better and some issues he has right now. Anyone can deserve that particular person if he/she is genuinely giving love to his/her partner. I’m totally pissed off with that lame reason. I could totally deal with pure honesty rather than giving me bullshits.

I don’t understand how I feel now. Rage, pain and sadness is bursting within me. My mind is in abstract and chaos, I couldn’t think well. I’ll get back sulking here… I guess I just have to express my feelings as soon as my brain will work fine. I feel so heavy inside now… just wanted to cry all night. I could not hold back the tears that constantly torrents through my face.

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The unexpected failure

Jun 23, 2009

Not that of a very good day for an expected one. It seems that what I have been waiting for to come won’t seem to happen this day. That’s what I get for expecting too much. Well, I’m always looking at the bright side, the movie would still be showing for at least 1 week so it doesn’t matter if we couldn’t watch it today, we could watch it tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after the next day. I’m always optimistic when needed. LOL.

I would still be wearing a smile today since we were texting last night and it was quite fun but I guess he ran out of load so it was quite a short one, plus he was talking with his parents so he was kind of busy that time too. LMAO.

Oh BTW, I had this dream last night, it was kind of cool. I dreamt about vampires and obviously they were sucking blood. LMAO. I don’t want to share the details because when vampires are involved… I’d leave that to your imagination what I’m trying to point there. LOL.

Anyway, I’m going out today since I don’t want to sulk here all day long and gloom the entire room. Even the clouds are starting to get gloomy already. I hope it wouldn’t rain… ‘Cause I’m still hoping he’d be coming here and we’ll watch the movie together. HAHAHA. I’m such a person full of hope. I’d be willing to give anyone my hopes, because I think I’m having too much of it. LMAO.

BTW, if you were thinking of who I am talking here all about, and what movie we were planning to watch… I’d leave that to your imagination. Bahaha! LMAO.

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My Monthly Quote

It's pointless to just envy other people's worlds.
I have to change my world myself.


- Sinichi Chiaki,
Nodame Cantabile

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