An awful and sad special day.

Jul 1, 2009

No matter how hard for me to stay strong, no matter how I try to act as if nothing is wrong, still I can’t hold it any longer. I’m still me, I’m still frail… It’s supposed to be a very special day for us today yet sadly it turned out to be the end of everything. It’s been actually 4 days that we haven’t talked and just this morning I couldn’t hold myself any longer not to talk with him on this very special day so I send him a message. Unfortunately, he didn’t reply to it until I texted him again in the afternoon. I had a feeling what he would say to me and that feeling didn’t disappoint me. I was actually right. He told me that we’d have to end it now, that I deserve someone better and some issues he has right now. Anyone can deserve that particular person if he/she is genuinely giving love to his/her partner. I’m totally pissed off with that lame reason. I could totally deal with pure honesty rather than giving me bullshits.

I don’t understand how I feel now. Rage, pain and sadness is bursting within me. My mind is in abstract and chaos, I couldn’t think well. I’ll get back sulking here… I guess I just have to express my feelings as soon as my brain will work fine. I feel so heavy inside now… just wanted to cry all night. I could not hold back the tears that constantly torrents through my face.

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My Monthly Quote

It's pointless to just envy other people's worlds.
I have to change my world myself.

- Sinichi Chiaki,
Nodame Cantabile

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