Reasoning of the Unemployed Idiot

Aug 16, 2009

It’s almost been five months since I graduated and then I’m still here in our house, doing nothing else but to spend with my computer for the entire day. From this span, I have only tried submitting my resume in one company. That’s right, one company. Fortunately, that company gave me a call and invited me for an interview. That call actually woke me up and ended my utterly stupendous dream. I had no idea who called me at first and I was quite shocked with her because she was talking to me in English. I had to notice it until she mentioned the name of the company. I was half awake at that time that I wasn’t that sure of what I was saying. In the end, I turned her down saying that I’m not interested with the interview anymore. So basically, I’m left here nothing to do and have no interest yet in what kind of job I would want to have.

I’m a person who seems to be having a lot of interests despite of being an IT graduate. I have been thinking about myself lately and thought about a lot of things. Firstly, I know for myself, that I’m quite as lazy as a Koala but with the exception of sleeping. When I’m at home, I’m like a living “Sadako” who doesn’t seem to recognize the value of sleeping that much. As much as I wanted to sleep early, I just couldn’t do it. My reasons could be of insomnia, too busy watching movies/videos, lurking in several forums, and etc.

When I get bored at home and yet it’s still day time, a bored person who has nothing else to do is to sleep but in my case, I refuse it badly. Sometimes I find myself staring at the monitor or looking outside the window while resting on the couch doing completely nothing but spacing out. Even if I feel so sleepy and my body could almost walk itself to the bedroom on its own, my mind is always telling me not to. Sleeping in day time is considered as a result of boredom for me, and sometimes, I am a person who is a strong advocate of “anti-boredom.”

Yes, I’m insanely peculiar at some point. I have come to realized sooner that it was not only my laziness issue that became a hindrance of looking for a job but also because of being lost in my desired direction. I have too many interests and yet most of it is not even related to my profession. As far as I could estimate my capabilities based on my profession, I could look for a job related to multimedia such as a graphic designer or a website designer with accordance to my interests but any field in IT is fine as long as I could manage to do good in it. I could somehow go for website development, which I have a bit of interest to it as well but I have some issue regarding with my confidence in that field. But to make it more realistic, I’m just too lazy to study and review old and new programming languages which I will later on forget everything about it. In addition, I have always disliked being pressured. I am an avid fan of disbelieving myself which I tend to lower my self-esteem most often because I believe in myself less.

Another factor for my uninterested employment is blaming in the word “uninspired.” Yes, it could be the most prevailing and eloquent answer you could ever give to someone who’s asking (sarcastically speaking). Currently, I am jammed with Hobson’s choice but likely to leave that circumstance in the offing. As of now, I have been completely saddened by the facts that I have just realized lately in my life. I don’t want to end up following the wrong direction; it’s beyond the pale that later it will lead me to never meet happiness and satisfaction in life.

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My Monthly Quote

It's pointless to just envy other people's worlds.
I have to change my world myself.

- Sinichi Chiaki,
Nodame Cantabile

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